Marriage and Family (Bronx, Merrick, Wayne)
Ann and Gene – How We Met
The story of how we met began in the hot summer days of August 1954. I entered the Army late in the month and was at Fort Dix in New Jersey for basic training. In my barracks was a fellow Army Reservist, from the Bronx, Edward Bausenwein. He had graduated from St. John’s Law School, and I from St. John’s College, so we had much in common. When the time came to pair up with another GI for one week’s bivouac, we became tent mates. As we approached time for leave at the completion of training, he thought it would be good to go on a double date with his fiancée, Helen Wall, and her friend, Ann Koenig.
We arranged to meet on November 18, in front of the Taft Hotel, in the Times Square area, where Vincent Lopez and orchestra was playing in the Grill Room.
Ann describes the first encounter:
“When I first saw Gene walking up the street and then started talking with him, I hoped this was it – I thought he was just what I was looking for.”
When we learned that the Grill Room was closed, we walked to the Edison Hotel for dining and dancing in the Green Room. This hotel was used years later for a scene in The Godfather, with Luca Brasi walking through the lobby before meeting his demise.
Despite linguistic impediments (Ann was from the Bronx and I was from Brooklyn/Lawn Guyland), we managed to communicate.
A few more dates followed – one involved Ann preparing a meal at her home. Another was a New Year’s Eve party at the home of Helen Wall’s brother, a medical doctor.
In early January 1955, I learned that my next Army assignment was to be in the Far East – Japan, Korea or Okinawa – and thus I would be “out of the picture” for the next year and a half. As I said goodbye on our last date before going overseas, I recall thinking that life moves forward, and it would be unlikely that Ann would still be “available” when I returned to the United States. But we agreed to keep in touch by writing – and we did.
Ann tells about receiving my letters from Japan:
"Before dinner at home, I would ask if there was any mail for me and would get no answer. My father would hide a letter from Gene under my plate. After dinner, I would find it and open the letter in private.”
My letters, every two weeks or so, were filled with Army scuttlebutt, rumors of pending unit reorganizations and occasional reviews of books I read in Reader’s Digest Condensed Books, which Ann sent via a gift subscription. U.S. military presence in post-occupied Japan was slowly diminishing. The biggest news I reported was the arrival on our base of an “Honest John” rocket battalion which was capable of delivering a sized-down, tactical nuclear bomb. The Japanese, having suffered as recipient of two atomic bombings in World War II, had the U.S. agree not to have any atomic weapons on their territory; but even the delivery system was suspect.
Ann saved all my letters.
Ann’s letters were about her daily activities, some with more details of special events, such as being in the wedding party of her cousin Cay Cronin in April 1955 and her father’s heart attack in the fall of that year.
The letter exchanges went on for fifteen months. In May 1956, I returned from overseas on morale leave due to my father having a heart attack. So it was then that we resumed dating. I was released from the Army in June and began looking for a job, while still working as a toll collector at Jones Beach, my college summer job. When Ann told her friends about me and they asked what my job was, many an eyebrow was raised when she said, “He’s a toll collector.”
Our courting continued through my starting to work at IBM in NYC in January 1957, on to our wedding in October 1958. Many Friday evenings began with my walk from Madison Avenue and 57th Street to Park Avenue and 45th Street, where Ann worked at Reader’s Digest. Often Ann would watch from a window on the tenth floor of the Digest offices, looking north up Park Avenue. She could see me —a tiny figure briskly walking down the avenue toward her building. As I got closer, she would time her leaving the office to meet me as I arrived in the lobby. Usually, we would go to a favorite restaurant, then perhaps to a theater for a movie or a play, followed by the long subway ride to Ann’s home at the end of the “D” line in the Bronx,
followed by my reverse subway trek to Penn Station for a ride on the LIRR to Merrick.
Our decision to marry was made some time in 1957, and Ann arranged a formal “betrothal” ceremony on her birthday, March 8, 1958, at the chapel of her college, the College of New Rochelle, led by Father John Quinn, the chaplain and theology professor there.
Now, sixty plus years later, after six children and nine grandchildren, we are grateful for all these years and look forward to an endless future.
2015
Our First Baby – November 13, 1959
The obstetrician for our first baby was affiliated with Lebanon Hospital on the Grand Concourse in the Bronx, New York. So when the baby started the journey toward birth, Ann and I headed to Lebanon, arriving the early evening of November 12, 1959. The doctor told me not to expect anything for a while and to go home. The following morning, I went back to the hospital lobby for a day of anxious waiting. On the evening of November 13, I was paged to meet the doctor near the reception desk.
As he greeted me, it was an impressive sight. He was still robed in a bloody surgical gown, in the best tradition of a meat market employee. He told me that my wife had delivered a baby girl a couple hours previously, and although my wife was fine now and resting, she had lost more blood than usual and required a transfusion. His chief concern was that he hoped I had some kind of health plan coverage or blood bank to pay for the transfusion. After hours of looking at hospital walls and worrying about my wife and the new baby, benefit coverage was the last thing on my mind.
Lebanon Hospital was an orthodox Jewish hospital with several practices that were helpful to first-time parents. All mothers, whether having boy or girl babies, stayed in the hospital for eight days, the time required for male babies to be circumcised. The extra time was well received
by Ann, especially after the labor pains that lasted over 24-hours. The hospital also had an innovative arrangement called “rooming-in” – where, instead of a maternity ward, there were units of six mothers and an adjacent nursery for their babies. Both parents had access to the new babies, a “bonding” experience that was years ahead of its time. I learned, however, that the labor room was strictly out of the Middle Ages. Husbands were not allowed anywhere near the area, and the women were left for hours as nature took its course.
Some hospital practices were a little difficult for a non-Jewish person to understand. For example, Ann was anticipating nursing the newborn, so she requested milk with her meals. But since the food preparation and service was kosher, dairy products would not appear with any meal that included meat. The nurse in charge of the rooming-in unit, however, did bring milk as an evening snack.
Elizabeth Ann, our first, made us a threesome at 2568 Kingsland Ave, The Bronx.
February 8, 1998
Baby Gene Arrives – February 5, 1961
On Saturday, February 4, 1961, New York City had a major snowstorm, the sixth heaviest to that date: 17.4 inches. That afternoon, Ann began labor pains for the birth of our second child.
We were still living in the apartment in a two-family house in the Bronx, and I had borrowed a station wagon from a friend for the expected trip to Yonkers General Hospital, just outside the city, where the new obstetrician was affiliated. As the streets became impassible, the police ordered that no private cars were allowed on public roads. I called them to ask about emergencies such as childbirth and was told a police car would come to the house, only to take the expectant mother to the nearest hospital.
Overnight, the labor pains subsided, as did the snowfall. By the next morning, the side streets were blocked with about a foot-and-a-half of snow, and the frequency of labor pains were increasing to every five minutes. Our solution was to call an ambulance, which was able to get to a nearby intersection of Kingsland Avenue and Gun Hill Road, a major east-west road that had been plowed. We walked about one block on a path of compacted snow in the middle of the street, while I carried our 15-month old daughter, Elizabeth, and her little suitcase. Ann walked
along as best she could, carrying her overnight bag. We arranged for the ambulance to stop at Bainbridge Avenue and Mosholu Parkway, where I handed Elizabeth to Ann’s sister, Lillian. She and Ann’s mother were in charge for the next few days.
Oddly enough, the frequent labor pains had stopped while we were en route in the ambulance. But several hours later, our first son, Eugene Joseph, was born. And, after adding another crib in our one-bedroom apartment, we were a happy foursome.
2005
Child Number Three Arrives with a Move to Long Island – August 5, 1963
In early August 1963, we moved from our apartment in the Bronx to our home on Long Island. And this took place at precisely the time our third child was expected. On August 4, we arrived at the home at 2090 Sherman Avenue in Merrick, and that very day, Ann began labor pains, so we had to plan the trip from Long Island to the hospital in Yonkers, just north of the Bronx. I dropped off Elizabeth and Gene, ages 3 and 1-1/2 respectively, at my mother’s in Merrick, where they would stay while Mommy was in the hospital.
Ann told my mother, Nana, that she wished she had time to wash her hair before going to the hospital. Nana gave her some practical advice: “Go the hair salon; then go to the hospital to have the baby.”
It was tempting, but we weren’t sure whether Paul Anthony would have waited.
August 18, 2005
Labor Day – September 5, 1965
Sometime after Ann went into the labor room of the hospital for delivery of our fourth child, the obstetrician reached me by telephone. He had a serious issue to discuss. He told me that based on his observations of the infant still in the womb, there was a strong possibility that the baby would be born with a deformity. My mind blanked – I was concerned for the health of my wife, as well as the new baby. But all I could do was pray and wait for further word from the doctor. Several hours later he told me that my wife had given birth to a healthy girl, and both were doing well. I was so glad to hear this, I never asked what it was that caused the doctor to feel obliged to give me such a dire warning.
Needless to say, it was a joyful day when I got Ann and our new baby, Catherine Louise, out of the hospital and home – now a family of six.
March 24, 2006
The Ethnic Baby – June 1, 1967
It was the spring of 1967 and Ann was pregnant with our fifth child. We were at a house party somewhere on Long Island and the discussion got around to people’s ethnic backgrounds. Ann mentioned that she was German-Irish, and then quickly added, “But I have a little Italian in me.”
The “little Italian” (and German-Irish) baby became the tallest in our family, at six feet five inches – Philip Andrew, our fifth and penultimate child.
March 24, 2006
The Driving Lessons – August 18, 1970
In 1970, Ann had learned to drive and, pregnant with our sixth child, was able to drive herself to her OB appointment in Freeport, the town a few miles west of Merrick. One night when she was driving home from a late appointment, she told me of the problems she had. As she approached the train crossing at Merrick, she saw some lights and only then noticed there was some kind of fence blocking the road. Suddenly, a Long Island Rail Road passenger train came barreling through the intersection, passing just a few feet in front of her stopped car.
For all future doctor appointments, we got a baby sitter for the five children at home, and I drove. We are sure there was a special angel guiding her in the car that night – so there was a special joy when our new baby, Maria Francesca, arrived. Within ten days, we moved from Long Island to 91 Fieldstone Place, in Wayne, New Jersey. And Maria has never ridden on the Long Island Rail Road.
March 27, 2006
Rachel & Becky Come A-Visiting – ca. 1996
Our granddaughters, Rachel and Becky Smith, at about ages 5 and 4, were enjoying a summertime sleepover at our house in Wayne. The next morning at about 7:00 a.m., our front doorbell rang, waking Grandma and me. We wondered who could be at the door this early in the morning.
As we opened the door, I saw two little sad-faced girls in their pajamas. Rachel and Becky explained that they had gotten up early, went out the sliding glass door to the back yard to retrieve a Barbie doll they had left there, and the door locked behind them.
Ann made them and their Mom promise not to tell their Daddy, since, Ann said, “He may never let you visit us overnight again.” It was only many years later that he was told. By that time, he thought it was amusing.
2006
Gabrielle the Teacher – ca. 2002
Gabrielle Smith seems to be a born teacher. She loved to “play teacher,” and Ann, her grandmother, usually volunteered to be one of her pupils.
Once, Teacher Gabrielle, about seven years old then, set up a simulated classroom, with blackboard, paper and pencils. She would dole out one student assignment after another – no time for breaks, recreation or recess. To spice up this activity, Ann would occasionally give wrong answers. Gabrielle’s response was swift: a redoubling of efforts was requested, and there were strict admonitions to “pay more attention.”
The “student” learned that wrong answers, deliberate or not, would not be tolerated.
2006
Joey Sleeps at Grandma’s – ca. 2001
When our grandson Joey was about 6-years-old, he slept at our house in the guest room. The bed there was originally a bunk bed, with a steel frame topped by a mattress. The mattress wasn’t new, but we thought it would be okay for him.
The following morning, we asked Joey how it was sleeping on that bed.
He succinctly described the experience:
“You know, a mattress has two parts – springs and fluff; but the fluff in that mattress is broken!”
2003
Actually Genna – ca. 2000
Genna, our granddaughter was about 3-years-old and I was reading one of her animal picture books to her. Coming across a picture of a group of tigers, I said, “Here’s a Mother tiger and her cute baby tigers.”
Quickly Genna said, “Actually Pop, we call them cubs.”
Out of the mouths of babes – or are they called something else?
2007
Marco the Diplomat – 2007
After a long flight from New Jersey to visit Cathy and family in Illinois, we finally arrived at their home in Lake Zurich. As we got out of the car, Marco, then five and one half, ran to Grandma, who was dressed in navy with a string of white pearls, and said, very enthusiastically, “Grandma, you look GORGEOUS!”
That kind of unsolicited and unrehearsed compliment certainly made the trip very worthwhile.
2007
Marco and Groucho – 2008
The Danial family was all seated at the dinner table when Marco, age 6, decided to wander off. His Dad firmly reminded him to come back to the table to join the rest of the family. As Marco sat down, he announced:
“Boy, what a grouch!”
Everyone had trouble keeping a straight face. The speculation is that Marco has been watching a lot of the Disney channel lately.
2008
Marco the Fonetic Speller - 2009
Marco, then age 7, was attending second grade and came home with a “warning” card – he had used inappropriate language at school. His mom asked him what the word was, but he wouldn’t repeat it for her. So she asked him what letter it began with, and he replied, “F.”
She wondered where he had picked up that word and pressed for more details. He said he had heard another kid saying “fagina.” She asked him if he knew what it meant and he said he didn’t. After giving him a cursory definition, she said it was okay to use only in biology class – to which he promptly said, “I don’t want to take biology!”
Marco was and is an excellent speller, but his phonetic transcription was a little off.
2009
Phoebe’s Angels
Phoebe looks forward to the periodic family trips from Singapore to New Jersey. She especially likes the snowy, winter weather, not seeing much snow in the equatorial climate of Singapore.
Usually we oblige by arranging for a snowfall when they visit during the holidays, so they can partake in favorite activities – building a snowman and making snow angels. One year before leaving Singapore we heard she was getting ready for the winter activities by practicing to make snow angels in the sand at a Singapore beach.
Snow or no, Phoebe brings angels, even if I have to create piles of autumn leaves.
November 17, 2015
Julian, Bright and Early
It’s always fun when son Philip and family come for an extended visit from Singapore.
I vividly recall their visit in 2013. The first morning after their arrival, as I came downstairs from the bedroom, our four-year-old grandson, Julian, came to the stairs and greeted me with his bright, cheery face:
“HI POP! GOOD MORNING!”
How can you stay a grumpy old man with that kind of greeting?
November 18, 2015
Greer, The Helper
Our home was full of guests for a family get together, and I was busy at the kitchen sink when Greer then a three-year-old, walked in. Seeing me with running water and soap suds, she walked up to me and, most seriously, said, “Pop, can I help you?”
I was too shocked to do anything but thank her and hug her for volunteering.
November 18, 2015
Marie and Mrs. Widener – 1960s
When Marie Biancheri Billi worked for Dr. Ralph André Kling, a Park Avenue NY physician, one of the patients was Mrs. Jessie (Sloane-Dodge) Widener (b.1883-d.1968). Mrs. Widener was a member of the Sloane family, founders of the W & J Sloane department store in New York City. She had married William Earl Dodge IV (linked to the Phelps-Dodge mining companies) and they had a daughter, Diana. After a divorce, she married George Dunton Widener, Jr. (1889-1971).
His grandfather, Peter, had started as a butcher in Philadelphia in the first half of the 19th century. The family fortune began there with several butcher shops, and then a lucrative contract with the federal government to provide meat to the Union Army during the Civil War. Later, the family owned street railway systems in Philadelphia and other cities, controlled several banks and raised thoroughbred race horses. One of the family banks invested in the White Star Line, owner of the RMS Titanic. Passengers on the ill-fated maiden voyage in April 1912 included George Junior’s father, George D. Widener, Sr. (1861-1912) and George Junior’s older brother, Harry Elkins Widener (1885-1912). Both perished in the sinking, along with their valet, Edwin Keeping. [Mr. Keeping’s widow and daughter received an annual sum for life from the Widener family.] George Widener, Senior’s wife, Eleanor Elkins Widener (1861-1937) and her maid, Amalie Gieger, survived, having been picked up by the RMS Carpathia.
From 1954 to 1967, Marie provided medical services to Mrs. Widener at her summer “cottage” in Newport, Rhode Island. The Wideners arranged for the rental of a furnished home in nearby Middletown, Rhode Island, for Marie and her family during the early years. Marie would visit Mrs. Widener daily at “Land’s End,” an estate once owned by the writer Edith Wharton. Mr. and Mrs. Widener had opted not to use the Widener chateau, “Miramar,” built in 1915 by George Junior’s mother. The 27-bedroom, 14-bath mansion, with a 10,000-bottle wine cellar, was perhaps a bit too much.
On one visit, Marie was taking Mrs. Widener’s blood pressure and Mrs. Widener sneezed. When Marie offered her a tissue, Mrs. Widener quickly replied, “Oh no, I already have one that can be used again.” Perhaps that concern with frugality was one of the reasons the family was among the wealthiest in the country.
2012
William Townsend Koenig – 1988
When our daughter, Catherine, graduated from Georgia Tech in 1988, we toured the Atlanta area. Cousin Bill Koenig was with us when we visited nearby Stone Mountain and saw the reconstructed slave quarters there. Bill decided to sign the visitor’s log and wrote, “Just passing through. G. Sherman.” After that entry, we decided we should keep moving, quickly.
Bill drove all around Atlanta, but went miles out of his way to avoid driving on “Jimmy Carter Highway.” Bill was not impressed with his Presidency.
Our youngest daughter, Maria, and Bill’s granddaughter, Regina, were at an amusement park near Atlanta and about to go on a roller coaster. The sign said “NO DRINKS,” and each of the girls had large, collectible cups of soda. Bill offered to hold them and all three went on the ride. On getting off, the girls asked, “Where are the sodas?” He replied, “I’m wearing them!” pointing to his soaked pants.
Whether at the amusement park or at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, “Uncle” Bill was always great fun.
2013
The Scot Heard ‘Round the World – A Giant with a Big Heart
At the 90th birthday party in 2006 for Ann’s cousin, Bill Koenig, there was a surprise telephone call from Bobby Thomson, the New York Giant who hit the famous “shot heard ‘round the world” – the home run that won the National League Championship for the Giants in 1951. Thomson, age 83 on October 25, 2006, who had recently moved from central New Jersey to Savannah, Georgia, graciously responded to a request from our daughter, Elizabeth Smith, and he offered to call the old-time N.Y. Giants fan at the party. Bill, then living in a retirement home in Tennessee, was originally from Astoria and Jackson Heights, Queens, and his parents were also die-hard Giants fans, going back to the days of Bill Terry and Mel Ott.
During the telephone conversation, Bill commented that the famous homer was the rare one – a line drive into the lower deck of the left field stands at the Polo Grounds, and Thomson recalled the number of feet such homers traveled. The cell phone was set to “speaker” so all present at the party could hear the Great Scot chatting amiably about baseball as it was played in that long-gone era. Thomson even brought up the subject of sign-stealing – he is on record that although he received stolen signs that season, he did not use them to hit that homer.
My cousin from Australia, Philip Peluso, was there and said he was astounded that Americans had such detailed memories of sports events that occurred 55 years ago.
Later that day, Bill told his son Bobby (born in March 1952 and named Robert Thomas, after the Giants hero) that it was the best birthday he’d ever had, and that he would remember it as long as he lived. Bill is looking forward to his 100th birthday party, hoping Bobby Thomson will again participate.
Post script: Bill died in 2009 and Bobby Thomson died in 2010.
October 2006
[Sent to Sports Editor of The New York Times, October 26, 2006]
Oil Well That Ends – Swell – 1979
Aunt Betsy – she was not my aunt, nor my wife’s aunt, and I’ve changed the name – once told us that she was brought up on a fancy estate in Westchester County, NY, where the gardeners and groundskeepers were, she said, “all Italians,” and she quickly added, “but they were VERY nice people.”
That gave me a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling. Ethnic comments don’t bother me – they roll off like water from the back of an Italian. But in the words of the renowned Vito Andolini, “I don’t forget.”
January 25, 2014